How Childhood Trauma Impacts Our Adult Lives
CPTSD Awareness is the first step to rescuing your wounded inner child.
We are all born as pure babies who intrinsically know we are worthy of love simply because we are love. We don’t have to do or be anything to ‘deserve’ love. It is our birthright. Growing up with childhood trauma, moulds our minds in ways, that bury this inner knowing deep down, where we can not access its wisdom anymore.
The distorted reality that our traumatized parents and/or authoritative figures in our childhood, projected onto us, becomes embedded in our minds as deep seated beliefs about ourselves and the world we live in. These beliefs hijack our minds as adults and take control of our behaviours, actions, habits and emotions. Our relationship to ourselves and others becomes based on fear and anxiety. We have lost our true selves.
Here are some indicators that you are experiencing the effects of a traumatic childhood…
If, as a child, home wasn’t a safe space, then as an adult you might feel strange and restless in peaceful environments. This is because it is unfamiliar to you and your brain is not wired to recognize safety.
If, as a child, you learn that love is only given when you act as your parents wanted, then as an adult, you might people please, over extend yourself to appease others, put others needs before your own to win their love. You will have also learned that love is conditional and needs to be earned.
If as a child, you felt heavily controlled by your caretakers, then as an adult you might feel a sense of freedom when making your own decisions OR the opposite can also happen: you feel paralyzed in confusion and fear, when trying to make any life decision in case you ‘get it it wrong’ and get ‘into trouble’ or fail or make a mistake.
If you learn as a child, that being vulnerable is a sign of weakness, then as an adult you might suppress all of your emotions, struggle to open up, struggle to identify how you’re really feeling and struggle with anxiety and depression from wearing a mask all the time.
If as an adult your loved ones lied to you and let you down, then as an adult you might have trust issues and abandonment issues with your partners even when you’re in a healthy relationship and their is no indicator that they will leave you or let you down.
If as a child you were not given enough positive attention and feedback for your achievements, as an adult you will be full of self doubt, suffer from low self esteem and not be able to go after your dreams in any meaningful way as you won’t have any belief in yourself and your ability.
If as a child, you grew up in a house where addiction was prevalent, you will be far more likely to attract unhealthy, codependent, toxic relationships into your life, until you can become aware of this pattern and start to make healthy choices for yourself.
How many of these can you relate to in your own life? I can relate to almost all of them. I’ve struggled so much in my adult life due to a childhood filled with trauma where I never felt safe. However, no matter how much you’re adult self is currently suffering, there is ALWAYS A WAY BACK TO YOUR TRUE SELF, the part of you that knows you are worthy of love, just for simply being here and being born.
Never give up hope. Take one day at a time and do everything in your power to heal and re-parent your hurt inner child. I will write an article next week on practical ways to look after your inner child and begin the process of healing. It is a life long journey so be patient with yourself along the way.
In conclusion, our parents may have done an awful job of bringing us up and we have every right to be angry at them. I actually encourage the safe expression of anger and grief you feel towards your parents surrounding your childhood. That is definitely a huge part of the ongoing healing process. However they did this from a deeply unaware place as they also grew up in trauma and had unresolved buried issues.
When we take the courageous step to stop this damaging cycle in its tracks, we are transforming generational trauma and creating a much safer world for the next generation to grow up in. It’s up to each one of us to take responsibility for our hurt inner child and to gently re-parent it. We’re certainly not responsible for our trauma, but with the right compassion and support we can become responsible and empowered in our own recovery.