I am on the edge of an exhilarating cliff… do I jump and fall into the beautiful unknown mess of it all, or walk away and stay on the safe path back home?
I have always tried to organise my life down to a tee. To try and completely compartmentalize the different areas of my life. Make sure I stay on top of them all with endless to do lists. It helps me to stay in control.
I don’t like chaos. I like knowing what’s what and what I’ll be doing on any given day of the week, the month or the year. I like to plan.
I’m slowly coming to realise that living in this rigid way is bad for my soul. It’s detrimental to my mental well-being. Growth, change and healing happen in the messiness of life.
It is good to be organised to a certain degree but then you must allow space to be flexible in these plans, to make space for the flow to occur in the structure of your life. Recently I have followed my inner nudges and have allowed spontaneity and chaos to take over my life . I did this, even though it was terrifying to step out of my usual routine. I took a chance and did something my heart was pulling me to do.
I have recently been through a long period where I’ve known I needed to cry and feel , something, but I couldn’t access these emotions no matter how hard I tried. I even organised time into my schedule in order ‘to do emotional work’ on myself. Funny enough, this didn’t work.
It was only when I took a chance and did something out of my comfort zone and followed my inner chaos if you will, that I finally accessed a deep hidden part of me that had been bursting to come to the surface.
I feel much better now, like a whole new world has opened before me once more. My heart has softened into life again I am able to be present. I feel a little more whole than before, like I can flow in the river of life again. It is a nice freeing feeling.
Following the inner nudges of your heart is scary, especially when they are not fitting in with your current ‘neat safe life’ that’s keeping you in control and ‘safe’.
Let go into the chaos of your heart and feel your way to the other side. Your mind will thank you for it.