We hear it everywhere these days. The importance of being kind to others. But what if we were to first start off with being kinder to ourselves. After all, if we were all a bit kinder to ourselves then the natural outcome of that would be kindness to one another.
Why is so hard to be kind to ourselves? Why are we our own worst enemy?
It’s to do with our inherent conditioning. The belief that we are only worthy in this world when we are proving our worth through output and productivity. We expect so much of ourselves every day, put so much pressure on ourselves to be ‘the best version’ of ourselves. When we aren’t measuring up to our expectations or that which we perceive society has of us, we end up in a cycle of rejection and self hatred.
Drop the belief that you need to earn your worthiness. It is an illusion. Here are some ways to practice being kinder to yourself:
Stop judging yourself for being human. Allow all states you go through on a day to day basis to be okay. Whether you feel empty, depressed, excited, frustrated, angry… Stop judging yourself for not feeling happy, motivated and content. Stop fighting against what your current state is. Allow and embrace all the states.
Yesterday I went through a period of feeling low and empty. Immediately I began to judge myself for feeling this way. This judgement added a layer of anxiety to my already unpleasant feelings.
I resisted the feeling. Told myself it was wrong to feel this way. Wondered how I could stop feeling this way. Wondered if I was going to stay feeling this way for a long time. All this judgement is unnecessary. I realised I was resisting my current state. I decided to let go and just allow myself to feel empty and low. I decided to stop labeling it as ‘bad and wrong’.
When I did that I was able to relax into that ‘state’ I just breathed through it and let it be. I fell into a deeply relaxed sleep and when I woke up after my nap the feeling had dissipated.
What you resist and judge has a stronger power over you. When you let go and allow whatever it is to be it goes through its natural cycle and balances. Practicing this kind of acceptance towards all your states or feelings towards the day is a huge act of kindness towards yourself and will bring much peace to your life no matter how you are feeling in that moment.
Eat the cake! Just don’t eat it every single day. Stop putting strict and rigid guidelines on how to be a perfect person. Life is not that black and white. You only get to live this life once, while its important to be healthy, its just as important to enjoy your life!
You can enjoy all the pleasures of life in a balanced and moderated way. Don’t limit yourself to a boring ‘all or nothing’ type of living. Live in all the shades of a rainbow. Eat cake, order the pizza, take one day off the gym and do something new and fun.
Stop working so hard all the time. Balance all the hard work and control with letting go and having fun once in a while. Otherwise why are you even living? Why are you even working so hard?
Remember to laugh as often as you can. Even through my darkest depression I found ways to have a laugh. Prioritise laughter and enjoyment in your life for one week and see how that feels. You can always find time to laugh.
Practice mindfulness. Slow right own. Enjoy the simple pleasures. Notice things around you again. Be more present. We are all so busy ‘chasing’ our ‘ideal future’ (which is an illusion and doesn’t actually exist) that we forget to enjoy our lives as they are now.
Slow right down and notice your life as it is now. Enjoy it now, not tomorrow not when you have this much money, this house, this partner blah blah blah. All of these feelings you are chasing from attaining these goals - guess what - all these feelings are available to you right now in this moment when you go within and let go.
You’ll realise they are there all along just waiting for you to be present with them. You’re chasing a never-ending illusion. You are the source of it all . Feel into these feelings now. Feel the ease and peace that brings. The simplicity of it. Stop chasing and start becoming.
Practice being kind to yourself and everyhting will natrually align in you life as it is supposed to..